Episode 18: Don't Fall For The Buzzword Trap

There are a lot of “props” used in personal transformation work that do nothing to help you transform and one of those props is the use of ‘buzzwords’. Not only do these buzzwords bastardize the English language, but they also imbue a childish nature in people who use them that does not lift one into the stratosphere that demands maturity and critical thinking skills. These buzzwords are misused, mischaracterized, and even given new twists of meaning that the word was never intended to have. In this episode, I go into detail as to why you should never fall for the buzzword trap when it comes to self-actualized healing and give examples of some of the favorite and most overused words.  

Disclaimer: This podcast is for people who are ready to heal body, mind and spirit and are willing to take full responsibility for what that involves. I am not a doctor. I am not a therapist. This podcast contains adult language and themes that are not suitable for young children or those who are easily offended or triggered. The views discussed in this podcast are my own, based on personal experience and of those I have known and worked with for my entire adult life. This show is not meant to take the place of sound medical or mental health advice. You and only you are responsible for the choices you make based on the information you hear on this show. 

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Transcript

            Welcome to Episode 18: “Don’t Fall Into The Buzzword Trap.”

            So why would I dedicate an entire show to not falling into the buzzword trap that is rife in the personal transformation movement? Why do I care? And why would you care? It’s just words, right? Well, here’s why. My podcast is first and foremost about shining the light on what is known as self-realization. I’ll go into more detail about the nature of self-realization in a moment. My show is also about removing all the obstacles, hindrances, and new age props that have absolutely nothing to do with genuine personal transformation and that contribute to keeping you a slave of your unhealed self. As many of you already know, I grew up in the bosom of the alternative healing world as well as the transformational and mind/body centered arena. And I was incredibly fortunate to know and work with people who had a razor sharp ability to see right through a person’s damaged psyche and lead them toward a path of their own healing. They didn’t do it with crystals, or beat a drum, or smudge you with sage, or adorn their hair with feathers or wear special medallions around their neck that gave them superpowers. And they certainly didn’t litter their language with stupid, inane pop culture buzzwords that were only in the lexicon of the special group they were part of and that diminished them as either foolish or silly by others. These people who I loved and were immensely valuable to me and my own path, were all lone wolves. They thought for themselves. They had impeccable critical thinking skills. They created a life for themselves based on how they chose to live and did not care how it was perceived by others. But more than ever, they were never swayed by whatever the popular culture at that time demanded of the masses. They clearly saw through it and understood how popular culture eventually infiltrates all movements with the intention of diluting it, degrading it or to distort it so that whatever good is being offered, becomes buried under the heaps of distractions and mindless sideshows. I learned first-hand that popular culture exists to keep you asleep, dumbed down and incapable of seeing where you are being used or made to look foolish so that you can never realize your full potential. Because if you haven’t figured it out by now, your slumber regarding your power and human potential is how they keep you fat, happy and under control. 

As I’ve said before, there are a lot of transformational props that do nothing to help you transform and one of those props is buzzwords. Not only do these buzzwords bastardize the English language, but they also often imbue a childlike or arrested development nature within you that certainly does not lift you up into the stratosphere where you need to go in order to meet yourself for the first time. These buzzwords are misused, mischaracterized and even given new twists of meaning that the word was never intended to have. If you adopt the props and the absurd language of this transformational experience, you are simply playing at it. As I said in another show, if you are experiencing the darkest night of your soul and somebody tells you they are sending you “light and love”, you are most likely going to tell them to go to hell or worse. 

My show is about helping you realize your full, unlived potential and giving you the tools you’ll need to inhabit that reality and experience so that you can have greater awareness while you are here in your physical body and maybe even throw some of those good vibes into your soul which is always a good thing. But while you are doing this, I don’t want you to look willingly foolish or childish. I have a hard time watching somebody insult themselves by choosing to diminish themselves with inane distractions. You’re better than that. Don’t fall for the trap. 

I mentioned the term ‘self-actualization’ and that is what you are truly engaging in. The term was coined by three different people but Abraham Maslow is typically credited with the term. You may have seen or read about Maslow’s self-actualization pyramid. If you haven’t look it up. There are five levels of the pyramid with the base level of the pyramid having to do with basic needs that must be met in order to just survive. So that would be food, shelter, water, clothing, sleep. Next level is safety and security. Employment, family, and health. Third level is love and belonging so friendship, intimacy, and social connection with others. Fourth level is self-esteem and that means now that all your basic needs met, you can clearly devote focus toward achievement, inner confidence and becoming more of an individual than operating within the group dynamic. And that focus on individualism is what leads to the very tippy top of the pyramid that is the smallest section and is known as “self-actualization”. This is expressed as finding out who you are, recognizing your true potential, realizing your destiny or purpose and doing it all while consciously inhabiting your true self. Thus, seeking and attaining alchemical transformation of body, mind and spirit. Based on Maslow’s pyramid, he believed that you could only hope to attain this higher consciousness when all your basic needs were met. Because, his idea was, you aren’t interested in personal transformation if all you’re doing is trying to pay your rent or put food on the table. But I’m noticing a shift in this idea with a lot of people, especially over the last eight to ten years. And that shift is that sometimes even when the basic needs are tough to come by, the desire to self-actualize is present and persistent to the point where someone may be living in a 300 square foot apartment eating tuna and ramen, but they are eagerly drinking up every video or article they can find about personal transformation and self-empowerment. 

            So what are the attributes of a self-realized individual? Well, first and foremost, individualism. Self-actualized people are very independently minded. They are not group joiners or group thinkers. They do not allow popular culture to inform their lives. They still have goals and things to achieve but they are more into the journey of that goal or achievement than the actual attainment of it. It’s all about the journey toward it and how that journey increases their awareness and their understanding of life. Because we are meant to learn from experiences not from theories of experiences. Or watching somebody else have that experience and thinking we will attain the same awareness just from observing it. Self-actualized people laugh at themselves, never others. They have true compassion for others but they also have sturdy boundaries so that compassion doesn’t morph into enabling others to distract them from their life or their pursuits. Self-actualized people who are truly self-actualized and not playing at it, understand the nature of life in general and that calm flexibility and cultivating creative solutions to life’s problems is their superpower. 

            But starting in the late 60s and certainly gaining traction in the 70s and onward, the desire for self-actualization became so strong in many people that those in power saw a way to manipulate it and then exploit it for their own financial gains. How many Phil Donahue shows featured transformational guests? How many Oprah episodes were all about seeking your higher potential. How many books, how many tapes back in the day, DVDs later on and so on were available that promised you enlightenment or self-awareness? In the blink of an eye, popular culture infiltrated self-actualization and it quickly became a billion-dollar brand and morphed into something that was absolutely hideous and didn’t resemble what self-realization was meant to be. It turned into destructive self-focus that morphed into a repulsive me, me, me mentality. The modern corporate branding of self-actualization is a gross caricature and false representation of what real self-actualization truly means. It’s not showy, but they’ve made it showy. It’s not attention seeking but they’ve turned it into that. It’s not buzzwordy but they made they made it buzzwordy. They have diminished it, diluted it and turned it into a bunch of trite bumper sticker philosophies that seems to want to actualize the worst parts of people who need to belong to a system that controls them instead of giving them the wings to fly and be an individual, which is the hallmark quality of a truly self-actualized person! See? They got their grubby little hands on it and distorted a beautiful thing. Self-actualization has been rebranded in my opinion to not be anything close to true self-actualization but rather, a type of cult or group think consciousness that pretends to be self-actualization while insisting that you maintain the group ideology and a group language. And that’s just a hop, skip and jump away from being part of an actual cult. And what do cults have, besides controlling your mind? They have their own language. They have their own buzzwords and you recognize each other by the buzzwords you integrate into your daily communication. 

            When I was doing some research to prepare for today’s podcast, I ran across an article that confirmed for me that my observational take on the transformational movement and this language that permeates so much of it does, in fact, have a cultish connection. In the article, a psychologist named Robert Jay Lifton introduced the idea of “thought-terminating cliches” which he defined as “briefly, highly reductive, definitive-sounding phrases, easily memorized and easily expressed” which in essence, kills any critical thinking skills. There was also the observation in the article of how this transformational language often ‘reframes’ a person’s perspective so that the words have different meanings, but those meanings often make no sense. There was a discussion which I found very interesting in relationship to these buzzwords, that essentially these words draw people in when they are new to transformational healing and they adopt the language believing that it’s part of the process but that after a period of time, the language actually ‘deadens’ them and becomes a barrier to their progress. I found that very interesting because I’ve observed that effect but I’ve never had that observation validated with that type of context. In essence, instead of empowering the individual, continual repetition and devotion to this language, disempowers people and turns them more into an agreeable follower who never questions the language, the misuse of the words or the strange and confounding word salads that you can’t understand even when you play it back five times. But instead of someone standing up and saying, “I don’t understand any of that,” people just nod in unison like lemmings and act like they get it. And that inability or fear of confronting the person or people who are using these word salads to direct your healing is exactly what happens in a cult scenario. In a cult, you would never consider disagreeing or confronting the information being given to you. That would be heresy in a cult! Because you have been brainwashed to believe that this teacher or healer is who you need and that you need to just shut up and listen. But one thing I have learned in my life is that the truth is never complicated. Truth is pithy. Easy to understand in his elegant and often biting brevity. Truth is also felt in your heart. As long as your connection to your heart and your gut intuition has not been hijacked by some ruthless, manipulating individual where you don’t know up from down, you should be able to determine whether information you are getting passes your bullshit meter. But unfortunately, the innate vulnerability that is inherent in this deep and powerful work, often prevents people from being able to access their intuitive clarity. So is it any wonder that good hearted but naïve people get drawn into this type of world and then adopt the language that is almost required for communicating with anyone in your group or your healer or therapist. And as the article stated, the agreement to adopt this language into your daily life really does build a barrier to using regular language to express yourself and to use language that has classical, universal meaning!

            Now I hope you understand why nobody who is truly self-actualized would use these words because the foundation of self-actualization is not connected to group think or the hive mindset. The hive mindset is meant to dilute or eradicate the individual. It forces you to adhere to the hive energy and walk their walk and talk their talk. And through that agreement, you lose yourself. You adopt their language and their judgements, or their rules and it becomes the antithesis of TRUE self-realization. If you are attempting to transform yourself within the guidelines of a group, you will simply be transforming yourself into whatever the group or tribe mindset allows. If you hate religion because of what it demands and how it judges, try being part of the hive mind of the personal transformation movement where you are often ruthlessly checked and rechecked by often power mad authoritarians who tell you that you are ‘not being authentic’ or ‘you’re not fully embracing your shadow!’ or my personal favorite, “You’re not trusting the process!”

I understand that human beings have a need to find their tribe. But one thing I have learned in this personal transformation world is that every time you think you found your tribe, your tribe will let you down and you will find yourself back on your weedy path walking alone. I think I said it from the first show. When you seek TRUE alchemical transformation, you better understand that you are putting yourself on the road less traveled. It’s not a pursuit that most people would ever pursue. You only pursue this if you are called to do it because you have reached the end of what you see as your reality and can’t do it any longer. Everyone else can still play the game. You can’t. Welcome to the road less traveled. Look around. It’s just you on the road with your little sickle cutting down the tall weeds so you can find your way forward. And while you’re thrashing through the weeds, make sure you slice and dice the following repurposed words out of your vocabulary. 

The first word and the one that grinds my last good nerve is “authentic.” Ech. I’m not saying that the word authentic when it’s used correctly, is a bad word. Not at all. But if it has the word “self” directly after it, as in “you have such an authentic self,” please stop doing that. The true definition of authentic means to describe or characterize something – NOT someone – as ‘genuine and of undisputed origin’. And this, according to the true definition, “involves the authenticity of letters, documents, stamp collections, signatures, paintings, artwork, antiques and historical objects.” Suddenly, someone decided about twenty-six years ago that instead of calling someone genuine or real, that they were now ‘authentic.’ Which, if you are going by the traditional definition of the word, makes them sound like they are an antique. But here’s the irony I’ve noticed. People who are truly genuine and not afraid to be who they are and tell it like it is, aren’t interested in having a pithy slang term attached to their nature. People who are truly genuine would never refer to themselves as “authentic.” They would cringe at a frivolous buzzword being attached to their normal behavior. They’d have a good laugh. And if you were offended by their laughter, they wouldn’t give a shit.  Know why? Because they don’t care about your opinion of them. They are more than comfortable in their own skin. They aren’t into impressing you and they don’t need to be liked. Authors in The Transformational Movement write books about how to "unlock your authentic self." But people who really are genuine, don't need to find the key because they never locked themselves away to begin with! 

Next word on the list of misused words is compassion. Here's another example of when bad things happen to good words. Compassion is a beautiful word. When you honestly learn what it feels like, you react on an entirely different level toward your fellow man. But corporatize the word and turn it into something that is said for the visceral effect of the word and how you wish to be seen by the world through the lens of that loaded word, even though there is not one thread of true compassion in your body. But make sure you have a bumper sticker that says something about compassion. Because, you know, you want to be seen as compassionate. Because all the people I’ve known in my life who are genuinely compassionate can’t wait to advertise it and hopefully get a lot of likes! Ten million bumper stickers and 20 million T-shirts later that capitalize on the word "compassion," and the word ceases to carry its original meaning. A lot of the time the people who prattle on the most about compassion, peace and love are the least truly compassionate, peaceful, loving people I’ve ever encountered. 

I hear this a lot. “I want to show compassion.” Well, first off, you don’t show compassion. You feel compassion. "Showing" compassion is "faking" compassion. It's one person saying to another, "I'll look like I care for you, even though I have no earthly idea what you are going through or are feeling, and I will call it compassion. Then I can feel good about myself and really isn’t that what compassion is really all about. 

True compassion is setting your own needs aside and putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and seeing if you can offer them help. Someone may just need you to listen to them. Perhaps they don’t need advice or money or food. Maybe they just need to vent and maybe you can be that person for them. Because you have compassion for the enormous strain and stress they are living through. It’s kindness from the heart with no expectations and certainly no need to advertise it on social media because it’s not about you. I met far too many people on my own journey who professed to be compassionate but never demonstrated anything close to it toward me or anyone else that I saw. It’s not compassionate when someone is talking to you and spilling their guts and you turn to sneak a glance at your phone. It’s not compassionate when you are at the lowest point of your life and have no clue how you are going to make it to the next five minutes and somebody tells you, “Stay strong.” Or “You’ll figure it out” or “Wow. That must suck.” I’ve had all three of those said to me and worse!

The other way that compassion is misused is when it’s weaponized and used to enable someone else’s weakness. This is something I’ve witnessed too many times in the alternative healing world. Many good intentioned people who have big hearts mistakenly extend compassion to others who are clearly manipulating them or willfully giving up when there is no reason to give up. I see it with husbands and wives and parents and children where the husband or wife was ill or the child was ill but the illness has passed and they are long time into their recovery and nothing is being expected of them because ‘you want to be compassionate’ of them. You are not being compassionate in the true sense of the word when you allow that person to derail their life and your life because they either see their life as hopeless or they enjoy playing the victim due to their past circumstances. Wake up! You’re being used. Stop allowing your true compassion for that person to enable them to not be held accountable or motivated to improve their life. 

Next word is “dialogue” or “dialoging”. As in “We did some good dialoging” or “You want to dialogue later?” Just say talk. Or chat. It’s all that’s needed. 

The words trauma and narcissist are often overused and sometimes the word ‘trauma’ is misrepresented to identify an experience that is hardly what I would define as ‘traumatic’. Not being able to find a parking space, being late to an appointment and getting the wrong Starbucks order are not traumatic events but I’ve heard each of these examples labeled as traumatic and all I wanted to say was sit down with me with your wrong coffee order and I will tell you what real trauma is, honey. People who banty around the word trauma to describe things you have to deal with in life, degrade and in my mind, disrespect people who have gone through horrific abuse and been able to heal from it. Same idea with the word narcissist. I’ve done a lot of research and in-depth healing around narcissism because I’ve been surrounded by narcissists my entire life. And I do agree that our culture over the last thirty-five to forty years has produced more individuals that have narcissistic traits. But I think we have to be cautious about tossing around the word, Narcissist, just like the word trauma, to identify personalities that may or may not check the correct boxes for what a narcissist really is. A person may be self-involved or self-absorbed but they may not be a narcissist. They may be struggling and incapable of interpersonal relationships but they might not be a true narcissist. 

The next one up is: Forgiveness. It’s not just a word anymore. It’s a weaponized concept. And what I mean by that is that the word ‘forgiveness’ is used and abused in the transformational movement often as a requirement or leveraging tool that many tell you that you must embrace even when every part of you rejects that concept when it comes to a specific individual in your life or your past. You are encouraged to adopt the “posture” of forgiveness so you can begin the “process” of forgiveness. I never asked what the ‘posture of forgiveness” was, but I think there’s a dirty joke in there somewhere. You’re often told to forgive abuse done to you and that if you don’t forgive, you will not be able to move forward and heal. So you feel compelled to agree to the concept, even though nothing in your body is accepting it, and so you fake it in hopes that the fakery will be enough so that you can move forward. But faking forgiveness is not true forgiveness. This was done to me and I will tell you that it was very damaging because I was in a very fragile state of mind when this came up and every fiber of my being rejected doing this for specific issues in my life and I fought it hard. And I was told that my resistance to this fight was holding me hostage to the event or the person. The thing is, and I want you to hear this, I was absolutely able to heal and release the events and the situations that surrounded those events, while not forgiving the individuals. I think this idea that you have to forgive someone while they merrily go along and continue to destroy other people is a massive mind fuck to put a vulnerable person through. And when you are, like I was, really walking on a razor’s edge and willing to do anything to heal and feel sane again, you will find yourself majorly conflicted when you are told that if you don’t forgive this person, that you are basically unable to do any further healing work. That you are ‘bypassing’ forgiveness and if you choose that, you will not heal. I am telling you that is not true! The event or the instance or the abuse can be worked through and in many cases, released. That has been my experience. But telling someone that unless they forgive the perpetrator, they cannot move forward is a very abusive tactic, in my opinion. And there is a cultish feeling to that insistent energy. Because, as I mentioned already, you are in a vulnerable position and that’s when you are the most easily brainwashed or manipulated. But the cult is demanding that you suspend every part of your being that is viscerally rejecting this demand and so this massive internal fight breaks out inside you that derails and stops any progress you are making. Who is that helping? 

When I finally found a wonderful shamanic healer and this subject came up and he very calmly said, “You don’t have to forgive. You don’t have to forget. You just have to choose that your healing is the most important thing and focus on that.” Oh my God! I felt like an enormous burden had been lifted off my shoulders and yes, I was able to move forward and very quickly. So not forgiving didn’t stop my progress. It accelerated it! It gave me permission (and I know that’s another popular word but bear with me) it gave me permission to not be burdened by something that my body simply was not willing to accept at that time. Now I will say that since that time and the years that have passed, the distance from these perpetrators and the healing that I continue to do has diluted their effects on me to the point where in many cases, I just don’t care anymore. I don’t need to dredge up the energy it takes out of me into that person anymore. And that doesn’t mean I say ‘I forgive you’ it just means that person is not holding me hostage mentally or emotionally anymore. And isn’t the point of the meaning of forgiveness? The old saying, “Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself” is really about not having that person and what they did to you obsessively weighing you down to the point where your life is stalled or ground to a halt.    

I can certainly feel a dissolving of the same energetic hit I used to have in regard to a specific person but that did not come from forgiveness. It came from time, distance, in many cases their death (although death does not always create that outcome just like death doesn’t turn a bad guy or girl into a saint, it also doesn’t mean that forgiveness is easier). But mainly it takes time and shifting your focus which I think is the best advice I can offer you. When you shift your focus into constructive, galvanizing solutions and actions within your life that help you build confidence and allow you to become more calmly settled into a new way of being and living, the person or people in your past who really did a number on you tend to fade into the background of your life and memories. You can still pull up the memory of course. But it doesn’t have the sting or nervous system effect that it used to. 

The next buzzword is “honor.” My problem with this one is that it’s been overused so much and attached to everything that it really has lost its original intentional meaning. It used to be that we honored war veterans, national heroes or individuals who had achieved something that was worthy of recognition. Honoring was done infrequently, but when it occurred it really meant something. But the personal transformation movement has watered down this word so much that you can’t taste the classical definition of the word any longer. Now we "honor" experiences, statements, feelings, behavior and, of course, ourselves. We ‘honor the process,’ we ‘honor the journey,’ we ‘honor our breakthrough.’ I guess when they say "honor" in a transformational context, it’s referring more to "respect." Respect the journey, respect the process. But of course, if you do that, pretty soon the word “respect” will be diluted with all the other fine words. The other problem I have with the word ‘honor’ is how it’s improperly used. Somebody is having a meltdown and being highly disruptive in a group situation and taking away from other people’s experiences and you are told to ‘honor’ this individual’s right to feel or express his or her emotions, no matter how disruptive they are. The first time I heard that I was appalled. It's like allowing a child to have a tantrum where he or she trashes the living room and you just stand back and let it happen. 

The final buzzword for today’s show is: Wisdom or Wise. Love the word but dislike the way it’s used in the transformational world. Wisdom, in my opinion, is a rare commodity. But if you hang out in the personal transformational world a little bit, you might believe every teacher or healer is wise and they teach a lot of wisdom. But what passes for wisdom these days, is mediocre to poor in my opinion. What I’ve been exposed to over the last seven or eight years of doing the deep dive into my healing, has shown me not wisdom but philosophy that fits on a bumper sticker. I realize that wisdom or being wise is a subjective thing. But the over dramatic adoration of flashy mediocrity that passes for true wisdom is unhinged these days. Anybody who has a fraction of charisma is called a “wise soul.” Mediocre quotes like “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone” are deemed wise by some people. So wise. So much wisdom. You hear that a lot. I’ve been told to buy certain books because there’s a lot of wisdom in them. So I buy the book and I can’t get through the introduction. It doesn’t flow. It doesn’t make sense. And I’m not stupid. I know wisdom when I read and when I hear it. Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart was asked to describe his test for obscenity in relationship to pornography in 1964, and he responded: "I know it when I see it." Same thing goes for wisdom. But in this world of transformational healing you will hear things such as “You need the wisdom to journey closer to self,” “the wisdom to co-create a reality that empowers” and “the wisdom to explore and manifest your own reality.” What does any of that actually mean? The word “wisdom” is just verbal garnish to make your plate look smart. 

You want to know what true wisdom is? True wisdom surpasses intellect. True wisdom is knowing the difference between what appears right and what is right. True wisdom is accumulated over many years. But age does not confer or guarantee wisdom. Genuine wisdom is a combination of practical insight, good common sense, a constant hunger for learning, excellent critical thinking skills, no fear of failure and always learning something from one’s mistakes, impeccable discernment, good judgement of situations and people, deeply rooted knowledge, life experience that leads to higher awareness, the willingness to see beneath the surface and the ability to recognize the many subtleties that permeate our existence. 

There is a lot of mediocrity out there these days in all walks of life, including the transformational healing world. And I hope this episode has shone a light on how important it is to rise above the mediocrity of all the silly little buzzwords and endeavor to reach higher and not fall into the predictable, mundane patterns that seek to marginalize you or diminish what has the potential of being the most profound experience of your lifetime. Don’t spoil it by falling into the buzzword trap. You’re better than that.

And don’t forget, antiques are authentic and people are genuine. 

That’s all for this week. Thank you for choosing to listen to this show. If you like what you hear, share this podcast with others and follow me. Check out the notes for this episode where you’ll see the links to find me on Instagram and X @laureldewey or thealchemyofnaturalhealing. I’ve included the companies I support and have helped me in my own healing process on all the show notes and you’ll also find discount codes.  Looking forward to you joining me next week when the topic is “What Does A Breakthrough Look And Feel Like?”. New episodes drop every Saturday. Until then, remember that “Awareness is a demanding mistress. Once she wakes you up, she won’t let you go back to sleep.”